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[21 Jun 2007|04:16am] |
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Just when I didn't think things could get worse, with the passing of my father. I couldn't have been more wrong. I know that everyone deals with their grief in their own way, but the way my brothers are acting through this, blaming me and taking their grief out on me, is no excuse. My youngest brother tells me, 'I spent four years in high school and graduated for DAD, you could never do that.' I know that my father was upset because I didn't stay in high school, but he understood what that school did to me, and at least I went back and got my GED. I just, can't believe that he would use something like that against me. I loved my father deeply, and I did everything I possibly could to be the kind of person that my father would be proud of, and in the end... I know he was. Being someone that I know he would be proud to call his daughter is the BEST way I know how to honor his memory. And even now, I'll continue to strive to be something better than I currently am.
At this point, I could care less what either one of my brothers have to say. If they want to hate me, resent me and blame me for anything and everything that's gone wrong in their lives, that's their problem. They'll remain both childish and immature because of it. And I think... I'm just tired of trying to prove something to them that they won't accept or respect. Why waste my time on people who remain heartless and don't give a damn? I'm at the point where I'm ready to say, 'You mean nothing to me. You don't love me, I have no brothers.' In fact, I'm probably better off if I chose to have absolutely NOTHING to do with them. Eventually, they'll just drag me down to their repulsive level.
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| Tragedy in the family.... |
[15 Jun 2007|12:29am] |
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Please Remember Me - Tim McGraw |
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At approximately 7:30pm on Monday, June 11th... the strongest man that I've ever known lost his battle to an unbelieveable illness.
Ricky Couillard, 44, of Alpena, passed away on Monday, June 11, 2007, at Alpena Regional Medical Center following an extended illness.
Born January 14, 1963, in Alpena to Philip and Colleen {Shrader} Couillard and married Jean Wilson on January 13, 1984. Ricky was employed by American Steamship Company sailing in the Great Lakes.
Surving are his wife, Jean; three children, Christina, Ricky II and Michael; his step-son, Scott Isaacson, all of Alpena. Brothers and sisters; Phil and Kris Couillard of Saginaw, Jock Couillard of Alpena, Colleen Robarge of Traverse City, Garry Millard of Flordia, Jerry Millard of Traverse City and Susanna Millard of Traverse City; father-in-law, Don Wilson of Alpena; several aunts, uncles, nieces, newphews, cousins and sisters-in-law.
Mr. Couillard is at the Bannan Funeral Home where friends may call on Friday from 12 noon until time of funeral service at 2pm.
Interment: Holy Cross Cemetery
Memorials: Alpena Regional Medical Cancer Center
This man was my father. For the last three years he fought against cancer. Liver cancer. The entire time, he believed so strongly that god would lead him in his battle against this killer, and never once thought that he would lose. He remained strong, full of hope. And in the end, that very hope didn't pull through for him. As the posion from his liver slowly ate away at his body, it eventually traveled to his brain and little by little, he began to forget things. Who he was, where he was... what year it was. But he ALWAYS knew who we were, his family. His determination through life, his one reason for being the best man he could possibly be.
And through his many mistakes, and there were plenty... as there are with the rest of us, he was a wonderful, amazing man. He was still so young and so full of life. He had this talent of causing the smallest smile to everyone's face, even a stranger. He had great people's skills and many friends. His family was the most important thing in his life, and though he didn't always show it, and neither did we, he was respected and loved deeply. He always called me 'his little girl', and even now that I'm an adult and obviously grown up, I will always be his little girl, always. And not a moment will pass when I don't think about him, wonder if he'll support the decisions I make throughout life, and most importantly... love him.
His funeral is tomarrow afternoon, and even now it all still seems so unreal, like a bad dream. But I know the moment I look at his casket, the reality of the situation will hit me like a whirlwind. It's hard, and something like this... I'm sure I'll never get over, especially when I think about his illness, his struggle to fight against it, the pain and suffering it put him through for so long, watching him fall into a coma and eventually leaving us. It's the most painful thing I've ever had to deal with. I know millions of people go through this everyday, and the pain I'm feeling only shows the depths of my love for my father. He'll always be missed, but most importantly, he'll always be loved.
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[23 Apr 2006|07:30am] |
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Bring Me To Life - Evanescence |
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As soon as I got up this morning, I gave my LJ a quick look-over and realized that it needs a make-over, haha. I'm going to change the layout and such sometime later this afternoon when I get home from work, along with some of the crap I have included on the right-side of the page, it's been awhile since it's been changed and considering that SOME of my interests HAVE changed since the last update, it's past due.
Though I adore Captain Jack Sparrow and the header I currently have of him on my LJ, that's gonna have to go as well. I was thinking something along the lines of "Final Fantasy" based, but seeing that I NO longer have PSP, I'm going to have to track someone down to do the work for me. Oh, the more I talk about this, the more it seems I have my work cut out for me. I like it... gives me something to look forward to, haha. Okay, that's it for now... I'll write more later, hopefully.
♥ Chrissy
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| Easter Weekend... |
[17 Apr 2006|03:21am] |
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Right Here - Staind |
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I had Friday & Saturday off, but ended up having to work Easter, unfortunately... not that I cared much for the holiday, per say... I'm not religious and I don't like bunnies... haha. It's just the fact that it WAS a holiday complete with a textbook of bad attitudes {because we were open today} and just how much of a drag the day ended up being. It was ridiculous, and yet... I didn't expect anything less of it. I remember having to work Thanksgiving day and thinking back on it now, today was NOTHING compared to that. Also, with the event of Easter taking place... it made me think about what Easter really revolves around; the crusification {Good Friday} and the rise {Easter}... did they actually have planned-out months back then? Whether or not, even the same... why do BOTH days land on a DIFFERENT day every year? Sorry... just thinking out loud. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean to offend anyone. I just tend to OVER-think most things that cross my mind.
I was a little shocked at what came in the mail this past Saturday... it ONLY took a week too, for some reason, I thought it'd take longer than that. I finally got the ball rolling and dragged my ass down to the SOS and paid the reinstatement/renewal fee for my DL... it ONLY cost $150 {trust me, it's ALOT more than you think}... so I've the LICENSE to drive, yet STILL not a working vehicle. Right, that really worked out. Well, at least my car actually starts up now. Which is a HUGE step from not even rolling over. Now, I just have to get the brakes replaced, a gas filter AND an oil change. God only knows what else... I don't even want to go there! Haha...
Well, that's it for now. Hopefully I'll find the time to write more later. I need to stop with the "one entry every four months" crap, right? Haha. Peace.
♥ Chrissy
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[17 Apr 2006|03:11am] |
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Thousand Mile Wish - Finger Eleven |
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I know it's been awhile, but I'm on a bit of a tight schedule so I only I have a few moments to post and I thought I would use that time to share some gifts. -_-
There's THREE videos, and they're ALL Final Fantasy based... the first is a mixture, and the following are a tribute to Kingdom Hearts II and Final Fantasy VIII. For anyone that actually watches these, I hope you enjoy them... though I'll be the first admit, they are NOT my best work.
Imaginary ~ Kingdom Hearts/Final Fantasy
Taking Over Me ~ Kingdom Hearts
Behind Those Eyes ~ Final Fantasy VIII
♥ Chrissy
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